Thursday, 9 June 2011

HIITJEEian today, IITian tomorrow.

Humdrum of IITJEE

My name is Varun. I am a student at HIITJEE Super Integrated Deluxe Mountaintop 4+2(+2) year programme. I have been with HIITJEE since birth itsel 4th standard, and have secured All India Rank 602. For this only HIITJEE is my reason. Everything in life I owe to HIITJEE. Without HIITJEE I am like a worthless, roaming on the streets. So I want to thank HIITJEE for saving my life.

Since I am being paid handsome amounts to draft this advertisem letter of recommendation, Let me talk about the classes. These are very good classes. You will not find such good classes anywhere. If I spent one whole sentence expounding the virtues of the classes, it would be well spent. So I definitely recommend that you should take these classes. And the teachers are also excellent. The butter paneer at Madras Cafe is delicious. Even the books are good. There is a hole in the ozone layer. The teachers always remove all our doubts. Everybody knows that this is a scripted advertisement, but they still fall for it. The classrooms are full A/C.

Look brother, I am just an ordinary guy like you. At a small age, I was pushed into the JEE market. There I found I had to fight to survive. So I fought guys with big names and bigger brains like Bhatnagar, and Swaminathan. Even then I had to listen to professors like Majnu Sir (small names and smaller brains). Then I had to fight the caste system. Special Batch. 'C' Batch. 'B' Batch. 'A' Batch. Rankers Batch. Vegetable Patch Batch.

So what I'm saying is that all my success is due to HIITJEE and all the other classes like Ansal Classes, Retonance, Deviance, and Impotence are simple frauds and even though they are publishing my name, I spit on them. You may find my letters of recommendation in their ads, read them carefully and add me on Facebook. If this article is sexist, it's because girls have a separate batch and separate ranks, and as far as I know, a separate IIT, which offers B.Tech in Fashion Technology and Engineering.

Varun Mehta
HIITJEEian yesterday, IITian tomorrow, Human Advisor today.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011


So what is this blog about? Well, lovely reader, allow me to enlighten you.

This blog, this masterpiece of intellectuality, which Amrav and I attempt to create, shall deal with life:

"Shrouded in mystery, 
Clothed in beauty. 
My chicken salami, 
Shivaram Kumaraswamy."

-Ancient Indian proverb on life

But flowery lingo brushed totally aside, this is an attempt to record our thoughts as we meander through that wonderful and chaotic existence of youth. It delves into society, politics, and everything that defines our lives.  

Old man spewing wisdom
I pause and picture myself as a shrivelled (and of course, wise) old man, spewing forth the wisdom of the ages, but the realistic (and in my opinion, unnecessary) part of my conscience ends my grandiose dream with: "For chrissake just get on with it!" My conscience reads Matthew Reilly, you see.

Eminem's beats

Now you know what we are about and continuing with my monologue will only condemn you to the agony of enlightenment. I bid thee adieu. If any part of this blog hurts your sensibilities, it was totally unintended, but an additional bonus for which we will take ten points. Farewell O gracious and most noble reader, he whose name will be sung to the tune of Eminem's beats for generations.